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The Day After Christmas

The Content in this Chronicle and on this website are intended for adults, 18 years and older.

The Day After Christmas

An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle

 

            “Let’s just get this over with,” Darrin said, sighing heavily as Jason and Trevor sat there, checking their texts and their latest scores on their video game.

            “Do you really need us to go in and hold your hand?” Jason asked, not bothering to look up from his phone and Trevor swallowed back a yawn.

            For a minute all Darrin could do was stare at the two assholes that got him in this situation. “You’re the reason I’m here in first place, you little prick!” he snapped.

            “How do you figure that?” Trevor asked, sounding bored as he continued to play a game on his phone.

            He gave them an, “Are you fucking kidding me?” look that said it all. Granted, when it came down to it, it was really his fault for taking his cousins’ advice.

            Not that he’d asked for their opinion, but they’d somehow just been there when he’d been searching the mall aimlessly looking for something to buy his wife for Christmas. Normally he bought Marybeth her favorite chocolate, a few novels and grabbed her a couple of gift cards, but now that they were married, the idea of sticking with the same old shit seemed wrong somehow.

            That’s when the two bastards had shown up, offering their unwelcomed, but well-timed, assistance. At first he’d ignored them, then when he found himself about to buy her a bunch of scratch tickets to put in a card, he caved. It was a weak moment, he’d admit that and one that had seriously pissed off his wife and landed him on the couch last night.

            For his own safety.

            It had also been the first time in his life that he’d gone to bed with his service weapon by side, but then again, it probably would have been understandable if she’d killed him. Lord knows that his mother and all the women in his family had certainly tried to kill him last night. Thanks to the two asshole sitting in his truck, he’d been forced to lock himself in the freezing cold attic last night for five hours until his father managed to calm everyone down.

            Once the women had settled down, the betraying bastards in his family, from his father to his brothers, uncles and even the two bastard cousins who had talked him into buying that fucked up gift had come after him. He hadn’t run that fast or that far since the academy. Thankfully he’d stayed in shape and had been able to outrun most of his family, but he would never figure out how his Uncle Jared had managed to catch up with him, tackle him, and hold him down until the rest of the bastards had been able to join them.

            From that point each of his so called family members had taken their turn explaining about appropriate gifts to give your wife in front of the whole fucking family!

            He couldn’t prove it yet, but he had a feeling the two bastards with him had snuck that package in there to entertain themselves. He’d planned on giving his wife that box later in private after the kids had fallen asleep. There was no way in hell that he would have ever given his wife a box full of sex toys and crotch-less panties in front of his entire fucking family.

            He’d more than fucking agreed, which was why that was supposed to be a gift for them to laugh about later in private. For her real gift, he’d bought her a set of white and black diamond studs, a large box of her favorite chocolates and The Walking Dead DVD Collection. Somehow those gifts hadn’t made it downstairs.

            “Get your asses out of the truck,” he said, in no mood for their bullshit.

            “I’m still waiting to hear a please,” Jason said with a heavy sigh.

            In no mood for their bullshit, Darrin pulled his phone. “And I bet Haley and Zoe are still waiting to hear where I got such a stupid fucking idea in the first place.” he said casually as he found Haley’s phone number and held his thumb over the “Send” button.

            That immediately got their attention.

            “You wouldn’t!” Jason snarled.

            “I really would though,” he said, loving the idea of the two normally lovely women tearing the two large bastards apart.

            “You fucking bastard,” Trevor said as he jammed his phone in his back pocket and with a glare that promised all sorts of violence, got out of the truck.

            Jason followed, muttering something about disloyal bastards.

            All Darrin cared about was the fact that his cousin got their asses moving. Grabbing the box that had gotten his ass kicked up and down the street last night, he walked towards the mall, barely pausing to shove the box in Jason’s hands and kept on walking, daring the bastard to bitch about it.

            Fortunately for Jason, he didn’t bitch, but he did release a long-suffering sigh as he followed him into the mall and-

            “Holy shit,” Trevor muttered as they all came to a halt. It was either that or risk getting crushed to death by the large crowd taking up every available spot, holding Christmas bags and demanding refunds.

            “Maybe we should do this at another time,” Jason suggested.

            “Or just throw that shit in the dumpster,” Darrin suggested as he gestured for his cousins to slowly back up so that they could get the fuck out of there before-

            “Oh, shit!” Jason groaned as two women fighting over who was in line first at one of the jewelry kiosks banged into him, knocking the box out of his hands and sending the contents sprawling across the marble floor.

            The impact somehow caused three of the vibrators that hit the floor to turn on, causing a shift in the attention from the cat fight to a little boy picking up one of the vibrators with a huge smile and yelling, “A light saber!”

            A few feminine shrieks followed and yeah, that was definitely their cue to leave.

            Being a man of few words, Darrin said the only thing that would mean anything to a Bradford at a time like this.

            “Run!”

            With a nod, Jason said, “Sounds like a plan.”

            “Definitely a plan,” Trevor said as they all turned and raced for the door, but not before they heard, “Hey, Timmy! Grab the green one and we can have a swordfight!”

            “Wow, it glows!” they heard another little boy say, confirming the fact that they were all going to hell.

 

© Rerum Industries, Inc. 2015. All Rights Reserved.

14 Responses to “The Day After Christmas”

  1. Stephanie says:

    Quick, call 911. I can’t breath due to uncontrollable laughter! YOU ARE A GENIUS! !
    I am always eagerly looking for my Chronicle fix on Sunday!

  2. Rachel says:

    Omg that was the best way to wake up, I just woke up the whole house with my laughter!!!! I love them Bradfords :)~

  3. Michelle says:

    Gurlie – your ROCK! That was tooooo funny – and even though these are “fictional” characters – I can so see this happening :)))))

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