Phone Calls: Part 1 An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle

Warning:

The Content in the R.L. Mathewson Chronicles is Intended for Adults 18 years and older.

 

Dear Reader,

            As I’m sure you’ve noticed this week we are taking a break from The List Series and for a very good reason.

            I forgot to write the Chronicle on Friday.

            But, for a very good reason!

            I’ve been working on the next Pyte/Sentinel novel and to be honest, I’ve hit a really good part, the book is flowing beautifully and it’s coming a lot faster than I’d expected.

            Normally on Friday I come home after dropping off the kids, power up the computer and spend the day writing the next Chronicle. This past Friday however, as soon as I came home I rushed to my computer, opened up the chapter I’d been working on and kept working.

            It wasn’t until about ten o’clock that night when I’d finished tidying up the kitchen that I realized that I’d seriously screwed up. I considered working on the next installment of the List yesterday, but I’ll be honest, between errands, the kids and this intense need to continue with the Pyte/Sentinel book I decided to do something a little different for The Chronicle this week and here it is and to post early since the kids have plans with their buddies tonight.

            While I have your attention, I need to point out that this upcoming weekend is Easter and the next weekend is the signing and I’ll be traveling back home from PA. I may not continue with The List until the following weekend. I’m going to try to do it, but just in case I’m letting you know now. I will post something for each of those dates, so no worries.

            Moving on…..

            About this week’s Chronicle, it’s inspired by my own situation of having a phone number that I can’t use because the five or so people who owned it before me decided to simply change their numbers instead of dealing with their drama and problems, leaving it to the next person assigned the phone number to deal with an average of fifteen phone calls a day from debt collectors, scammers they’d given their numbers to, exes, a lot of pissed off people and some really weird crap that entertains as well as annoys me.

            I also wrote this, because I thought what better way to share some of the latest scams being used to separate people from their money than to have it introduced by a Bradford. Any scams that you read in the Phone Call Chronicle are real and have been attempted on me. They didn’t work, because I realized pretty quickly that they were scams, but some people aren’t so fortunate.

            Well, I hope you enjoy this week’s Chronicle.

Sincerely,

R.L. Mathewson

 

 

Phone Calls: Part 1

An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle

 

            “You’re early,” Connor snarled as he threw open the front door to glare at them.

            “And you’re naked,” Jason noted, his lips twitching with amusement as the man simply continued to glare at them.

            “And obviously very excited to see us,” Trevor added with a wink.

            “If you’re not up here in the next minute, I’m starting without you!” came the teasing words from their favorite cousin from somewhere in the house. Judging by the way Connor licked his lips and the way Connor Junior jumped in anticipation, Jason realized it was going to be a very long time before his cousin got her ass out of bed and took care of their dietary needs like a good cousin should.

            “Go away,” Connor said, already shutting the door in their faces.

            “What about breakfast?” Trevor demanded, reaching out and slapping his hand against the door to keep it from shutting.

            “Don’t fucking care,” Connor snapped, shoving the door shut in their faces and judging by the sound of it, locking them out.

            “Well, that was rude,” Trevor said with a heavy sigh as they continued to stand there, staring at the door and waiting for Rory to magically appear and feed them.

            “It was, wasn’t it,” Jason agreed as he waited another minute or two, enough time in his opinion for Rory to distract Connor properly before he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key that he kept for just such an emergency.

            “You’d think they’d be happy to see us,” Trevor muttered conversationally as Jason unlocked the door and headed inside.

            “The least he could have done was to offer to feed us while we waited,” Jason said as they headed for the kitchen, praying that his cousin had gotten a chance to do some decent food shopping this weekend. The last time they were here to give Connor and Rory a hand with their project, they’d damn near starved to death.

            “Jackpot,” Trevor said, grinning with satisfaction as they stepped into the kitchen and spotted the grocery bags overflowing with food covering every available inch of counter space and a good portion of the kitchen floor.

            “This should hold us over until Rory can make us breakfast,” Jason mused, snatching a family size bag of chips from the bag next to him and leaned back against the kitchen counter, relaxing while he enjoyed a light snack.

            “Thanks,” Trevor said, snatching the bag of chips out of his hand.

            Without a word, Jason snatched it back.

            For a moment, the two of them stood there, eyes narrowing on each other one second and in the next, they had each other in a headlock, willing to do whatever it took for the right to devour the bag of chips that had since fallen to the ground.

            “They’re mine!” Trevor snapped, tightening his hold and forcing Jason to do the same as he declared, “I had them first, asshole! They’re-”

            “Should we answer that?” Trevor suddenly asked, his hold loosening slightly as they both stared at the telephone ringing loudly and no doubt disturbing the couple upstairs, who probably wouldn’t appreciate the interruption and would most likely take it out on the two of them by starving them.

            “It’s not even seven o’clock,” Jason muttered in disgust, doubling checking the clock on the wall as he wondered who in their right mind would be bugging someone this early on a Sunday morning.

            Then it hit him, Rory’s father had taken the baby for the weekend to give the couple a break and he could be calling because something happened. Trevor obviously reached the same conclusion since they both shoved each other away and raced for the phone, praying that the baby was okay.

            Jason managed to grab the phone and answer before the fourth ring. “Hello?” he said, shoving Trevor away as the nosy bastard leaned in closely to listen.

            “Hello,” an overly cheerful woman responded, “I’m looking for Mary Williams.”

            Frowning, Jason explained, “I think you have the wrong number.”

            “Mary doesn’t live there?” she pushed, still sounding unnaturally chipper.

            “No, she doesn’t,” Jason said, rubbing the back of his neck as he was forced to watch as Trevor bent over and swiped up his bag of chips with a shrug, obviously realizing that they were dealing with a wrong number.

            “Oh, well, I’m sorry for bothering you,” the woman said brightly just as Jason hung up on her.

            “Those are my chips, you thieving bastard!” Jason snapped, gesturing with the cordless phone at the large bag of chips that Trevor was making a show of devouring.

            “I don’t see your name on them,” Trevor said with a careless shrug as he continued to eat what should have been Jason’s snack.

            Just as he was about to throw the phone at Trevor’s head, it rang again. With an annoyed sigh, he answered it after the first ring, wondering just how many times this woman was going to call looking for Mary before she got the hint.

            “Hello?” he snapped as he swatted away the now-empty chip bag that Trevor had balled up and threw at his head.

            “Don’t hang up. This is a call concerning your credit card,” the computerized man’s voice announced.

            Curious, Jason leaned over the counter to look at the caller ID. Unknown Caller, the small led screen read. Trevor reached over and scrolled to the last call to find the same thing listed and kept scrolling. There had to be at least four-dozen Unknown Caller and Blocked missed calls in the history from the past two days alone, painting a picture that had Jason and Trevor grinning hugely.

            Looks like they’d found something to entertain themselves with while they waited for breakfast, Jason realized with a content sigh as he grabbed a box of Twinkies from a nearby bag as he once again leaned back against the counter and got comfortable.

            “We are calling because we would like to lower your interest rate. This is the last time that you will be receiving this offer. If you don’t act now, this offer will expire,” the computerized voice warned as Trevor grabbed a box of Ring Dings and settled in next to him so that he could listen.

            “Would you like to lower your interest rate?” the computerized voice asked.

            “Yes,” Jason said, knowing the only way that he was going to be able to pull this off was if he kept a straight face.

            There was a slight pause before the man on the line continued, obviously deciding that Jason’s admission was good enough for the automated system. “Please hold and I will connect you with the next representative.”

            “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Jason said absently as he opened a Twinkie and shoved it in his mouth.

            “Good morning,” a man said after a brief pause and a click. “This is John. Whom may I ask do I have the pleasure of speaking to?”

            “Clark Kent,” Jason answered, slapping Trevor’s hand away when the bastard tried to steal one of his Twinkies.

             “Well, Mr. Kent,” John went on to explain in a concerned tone, “I’m calling because it appears that you’re paying a higher interest rate on your credit cards than you should. We’ve been trying to contact you for some time now so that we could lower your interest rate and get your payments down.”

            “Really?” Jason asked around a yawn as he turned around and searched through the bags until he found a box of chocolate chip cookies.

            “Yes,” John said with an upbeat tone that had Trevor chuckling and shaking his head as he pulled out a box of Fruit Loops. “We should be able to get your interest down as low as seven percent.”

            “Wow, that’s great!” Jason said, mockingly as he shoved a cookie in his mouth.

            “Are you interested in lowering your interest rate and saving money?”

            “I sure am!”

            “That’s wonderful,” John said approvingly before he added, “I’m just going to need to confirm some account information before we proceed.”

            “Okay,” Jason mumbled around a cookie as he moved over to the kitchen island and started searching through those bags.

            “I’m going to need to confirm your credit card number. Do you have it with you?” John asked with an overly polite tone.

            “I’m getting it right now,” Jason explained as he searched through the bags until he found a bag of pretzels. “Got it.”

            “Okay, just give me a minute to pull up your account,” John murmured, adding a slight pause before he said, “okay. Whenever you’re ready, please read the numbers on your credit card.”

            “1-2-3-4-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-6-7-8-9,” Jason rattled off the numbers, cringing in disgust when he picked up a box of diet food.

            “The expiration date?”

            “February 31, 2018,” Jason said, throwing the box of diet shit at Trevor when the bastard started laughing.

            “Got it,” John said brightly before asking, “And the security code on the back?”

            “1-2-3.”

            “And your zip code and mother’s maiden name?”

            “06969 and my mother’s maiden name is Bieber.”

            “Great! Everything matches,” John said approvingly. “I’m going to make a note on your account and you should see a lower interest rate on your next-.”

            “So, what are you wearing?” Jason asked, cutting the man off before he could utter another syllable of bullshit since they both knew that if he’d been foolish to actually fall for this line of bullshit and had given his real information that he’d be seeing a maxed out balance on his next credit bill after this asshole and the person he worked for went nuts with his credit card.

            “I-Im sorry, what?” John asked, sounding confused while Trevor stood next to him, shaking with silent laughter as Jason struggled to keep a straight face.

            “I asked what you’re wearing? I hope it’s something sexy,” Jason growled. “Are there sparkles? I fucking love sparkles.”

            “Ummm,” was John’s nervous reply.

            “When I start spanking you, I’m going to need you to squeal like a pig,” Jason said, shoving Trevor away from him when the bastard lost the battle and started laughing his ass off.

            “Squealing? I-I think you’re a little confused about what this call is-.”

            “God, I fucking love bacon,” Jason added randomly just to fuck with this guy’s head.

            “Bacon?” John repeated back slowly, sounding as though he wasn’t sure that he’d heard Jason right.

            “Fucking. Love. It.”

            “Ummmm.”

            “Are your nipples hard?” Jason demanded. “Tell me they’re hard.”

            “I-”

            “Is your ass hairy? Even if it’s not, tell me that it is,” Jason murmured in the same seductive tone that usually got Haley to make him cupcakes.

            “I-”

            “Oh, the things I could do to your hairy ass with bacon and milk,” Jason said with a groan as Trevor dropped to the ground, laughing his ass off while Jason took advantage of the situation and snatched the bad of cheese puffs out of the bastard’s hand.

            “Milk?” the man squeaked uneasily.

            “Oh yeah, baby, milk does a body good and-”

            “Who are you talking to?” Rory demanded, drawing his attention to the woman standing next to him, shaking her head and sighing in resignation as she looked around the kitchen, no doubt taking note of the empty bags and food containers.

            “Umm, no one?” Jason said, quickly hanging up on John as he started sputtering some nonsense about not being gay.

            “We’re trying to get that number changed,” Rory said, stepping over Trevor while the bastard was doing his best to stop laughing. “You wouldn’t believe the number of solicitors, scammers and creditors calling the line looking for god only knows who at all hours of the night. It’s crazy.”

            “Yeah,” Jason agreed with a smile, wondering when his dear old friend John was going to call back, “Crazy.”

            

© Rerum Industries, Inc. All Rights Reserved. 

21 Responses to “Phone Calls: Part 1 An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle”

  1. Mary Beth says:

    I love getting wrong number calls. Wrong number texts are even better. I really need to get out more.

  2. Dayna says:

    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten the same call. Too bad I’m usually at work and can’t pull this little prank on them. But next I’m home and they call, just wait. Thanks RL for the hilarious story. Made my morning. Love the Bradfords.

  3. LiaZ. says:

    My old number I had would get random texts from girls looking for someone named Raul or Pedro :/ it was so irritating these girls lot I was lying to them and would call me then hangup on me… It was irritating but hilarious all at once!

  4. Alece says:

    OMG!!!! My sides hurt from laughing so hard. I will never read your stuff in public again. People are staring at me right now lmao. Very good job!!!

  5. Taylor says:

    Fanfreakingtastic!!!! I’m laughing so hard right now, my kids keep throwing me worried looks. Keep the Bradfords coming!! Absolutely LOVE them all. 🙂

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