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An EMS Halloween
An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle
“Die, you son of a bitch!” the elderly woman screamed as she raised her walker and threw it, just barely missing his head.
“It’s a costume!” Eric snapped, wondering how he’d ended up in this situation.
“He’s an evil little bastard!” she yelled, looking around for something else to throw at them.
“He’s a thirty-year old man!” Eric shot back as he glared down at the dumb, short bastard that had decided that dressing like Chucky and going around scaring the shit out of everyone in the neighborhood was a good idea.
“He’s evil!” came the proclamation as well as a pot full of dead flowers.
“Ow!” the bastard that had ruined his night yelled when the pot hit his foot, letting Eric know that it was time to get this patient on the rig before she managed to pull one of those garden stakes that she was eying out of the ground and see if the dumb bastard had a heart.
“Time to go,” he said, looking across the stretcher at the reason that he was stuck working the night shift on Halloween.
“Really?” Joe asked, sounding a bit disappointed, because she was a sick, devious woman that he never should have married.
“Yes!” he hissed as a handful of dirt hit his arm, letting him know that the little old lady had given up her ambition to send his patient back to hell.
“Are you sure?” she asked as her lips twitched, clearly enjoying herself.
Then again, this whole thing had been her idea. The kids were still too young to fully appreciate Halloween so she’d suggested that they leave the kids with his mother so that they could pick up a shift tonight, giving them double-time and fulfilling the city’s requirement that she work on the rig once every four months to keep her status as an EMT with the city.
He should have said no, but the thought of spending the night with his wife in a cozy on-call room, just the two of them and about a dozen fantasies to act out had him quickly agreeing.
Another hit and this time he wasn’t so sure that it was dirt.
“Yes!” he hissed with a glare for his wife.
With a putout sigh, she threw the rest of their equipment back in their kit, shoved it onto the back of the stretcher and with a regal wave, gestured for him to pick up his end of the stretcher. With several violent thoughts, he did just that, clenching his jaw when more “dirt” slammed into his back.
“I want a divorce,” he said as the stretcher locked in place at full height.
“You’d never survive without me,” she pointed out as they rolled the stretcher towards the ambulance.
“I’d be willing to try,” he drawled as the screech that followed their departure was accompanied with another hit to his shoulder.
“She has a great arm,” Joe said, smiling as they lined the stretcher up with the back of the ambulance.
“So I’ve noticed,” he said dryly as they loaded the stretcher.
“You want to drive or do you want me to?” she asked innocently as “Chucky” continued to groan in pain.
He didn’t answer her, but then again, his expression probably said it all. With a smile that was going to get her spanked later, she climbed into the back of the ambulance. Another clump hit him as he closed the door, making him wish that he’d stop making decision based on all the naughty things that he wanted to do to his wife.
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