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What Really Happened…
An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle
The words sent a chill down his spine as he slowly opened his eyes and looked down at the beautiful woman beneath him. He felt his stomach drop as dread slammed into him.
He’d just seriously fucked up.
God, he couldn’t believe how badly he’d just fucked up. All these years of struggling to stay in control, forcing himself to act like it didn’t tear him apart when she saw other men, that he didn’t want to kill every last fucking one of them with his hands, but he’d somehow always believed the bullshit that they meant nothing and that one day she would realize what they had, but he’d just ruined everything because he couldn’t keep his fucking dick under control.
“I…,” he opened his mouth to apologize? To explain how fucking badly he wanted her? That sometimes he thought he’d fucking die if he didn’t find out how it felt to slide inside her and now he’d just ruined everything. He closed his mouth, swallowed and tried again, but the look on her face said it all.
He’d just ruined everything.
“Oh…fuck..no,” he whispered hoarsely as he slowly pulled away and climbed off the couch, unable to look her in the face and terrified that if he opened his mouth right now that he’d fuck this up even more. He needed to get away from her right now before it was too late.
He wanted her so fucking badly that if he didn’t leave the room and put some space between them right now then he was going to do something that he was going to regret and there was no doubt that he was going to fucking do something incredibly stupid if he stayed. Not because he would regret touching her, finally tasting her, because he would never regret that, but he would never forgive himself for pushing her away.
No matter how much he loved her, and God, did he fucking love her, she was his best friend and no matter how badly he wanted her, he couldn’t risk losing that. He just couldn’t risk losing her. It was the same goddamn reason that stopped him every fucking time he grew the balls to finally do something about it and tonight would be no different.
He’d back off, give her space, try to convince himself that neither one of them was ready to take this step and risk over twenty years of friendship for something that could blow up in their faces. He’d tell himself that he needed more time, needed to make sure that she was ready, that this wasn’t a mistake, and they weren’t going to ruin everything.
They just needed more time, he promised himself as he clenched his jaw shut tightly while he looked at the beautiful woman staring back at him. Her breaths were coming quickly as she closed her eyes while he tried to force himself to leave her, but he couldn’t.
He just couldn’t.
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