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Black Friday…..A Neighbor from Hell Experience

chroicle2014

 

The 2014 R.L. Mathewson Chronicle Collection is now complete and will be available starting Monday, December 8, 2014 at iBooks, Amazon, B&N and many other fine online book stores.

The collection includes the chronicles that have not yet been published for the remainder of this year.

The New Year’s Eve Chronicle for this year will not be in this collection since it’s part of the 2015 collection. 

 

Warning: The Chronicles and content on this website is intended for adults 18 years and older. 

 

Black Friday

An R.L. Mathewson Chronicle

 

“No,” Jason mumbled into his pillow, wondering when his beautiful, yet obviously crazy, wife was going to give up and go away.

“Please!” Haley begged, readjusting her grip around his wrist before she tried to pull him off the bed, again.

“I’m not going,” he said, easily pulling his hand free so that he could place it beneath his pillow and out of grabbing distance from the small woman that he was obviously going to have to look into having committed.

“Please!”

“No.”

“But-”

“Get Zoe to go with you,” he said, turning onto his side away from her, hoping that she took the hint and let him get back to sleep.

“I want you to go with me,” she said with a little sniffle that would have had him rolling his eyes if he hadn’t been so damn exhausted.

“Not happening,” he muttered, wondering when the woman that he loved and adored would stop trying to drag him out of the warmth of their large, comfortable bed so that he could go stand outside for four hours in a line full of psychotic woman willing to freeze their asses off to save a couple of bucks.

“Then you’ve left me with no choice,” she said firmly seconds before she-

“Oh, this is just fucking sad,” he said with a sigh as he felt her throw herself across his back.

“Either agree to go with me or I’m not moving,” she said, sounding smug, which just made it sadder….so much sadder.

“Fine with me,” he said, satisfied that she was finally giving up and allowing him to get some sleep on his day off.

There was a long pause before Haley said, “I didn’t want to do this, but I’m afraid that you’ve left me with no choice.”

“Uh huh,” he said around a yawn.

“If you don’t get out of the bed and take me to the store right now I won’t cook for you for a month,” she threatened, rather adorably.

“Then I’ll just get take out or go to my mother’s house for dinner,” he pointed out, turning over onto his side and away from the woman determined to drive him out of his mind.

“Fine, then if you go with me I’ll cook whatever you want for a month,” she offered and as tempting as that offer was, it wasn’t enough to get him out of this bed.

“No.”

“Sex?”

He snorted at that, because they both knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold out on him for very long. She loved sex almost as much as he did. Besides, he knew all the ways to make her want to-

“If you get out of bed right now I’ll make you two bowls of buttercream fros-”

His eyes shot open and he was out of that bed and in the shower before she could finish that thought.

*-*-*-*

“How’d she get you here?” Trevor asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

“Buttercream frosting,” he said, taking a sip of his hot cocoa as he ignored the trio of angry soccer moms trying to push past him again. “You?”

“Yankees tickets.”

“You’re bringing me,” he said, leaving the fact that would beat him within an inch of his life unspoken since they both knew that he was going.

“You buying the beer?” Trevor asked, pointedly ignoring the trio now trying to push past him.

“Deal. You driving?” he asked, shifting to the left so that his arm was pressed Trevor’s when the smallest of the trio tried to squeeze past them.

“I figured we’d ask your dad to drive,” Trevor said, pressing in tightly against his arm to help block the psychotic woman who was now groaning and grunting as she shoved against them.

“Are you boys okay?” Zoe asked, not bothering to look up from the flyer that the store employees had handed out an hour ago, which had set the crowd off to near riot levels.

He’d never seen anyone go nuts over a flyer before, but these women had shoved, punched and bitten everyone around them in order to get their hands on one of these flyers. While everyone around them, including his wife, had gone nuts over the flyers, he’d stood there snapping pictures and taking videos along with Trevor.

It was just pathetic to see adults act like this over a few sales, he thought, taking another sip of cocoa and shaking his head in disgust.

*-*-*-*

“Are you getting this?” Zoe asked.

“Every last second of it,” Haley said, still not sure if she should be horrified or laughing her ass off.

“Do you think we’ll need bail money?”

“Without a doubt,” she murmured as she watched her husband, who up until an hour ago had been a rational human being, tackle Trevor to the ground, tear the crockpot out of his cousin’s hands and take off at a dead run towards the sporting section only slowing down just enough to drop the box in her carriage and tell her, “Guard it with your life, woman!”

“You bastard!” Trevor shouted, dragging himself to his feet and shooting the crockpot in her carriage a murderous glare before taking off after his cousin.

“You want to see if they have microwaves left or follow them?” she asked, calculating the battery life left on her phone.

If she did this just right, she should be able to record another hour of video before the guys were either dragged off in handcuffs or got the crap kicked out of them by the little old woman with the walker they’d pissed off over a stack of hand towels and who was even now slowly shuffling past them, a look of determination on her otherwise sweet face as she followed after Trevor and Jason. The baseball bat that she had sticking out of her basket was a little concerning, but Haley figured that the little old woman would probably settle for knocking one of the guys down with her walker and kicking them with one of her orthopedic shoes before she reached for the baseball bat.

“Microwaves,” Zoe admitted with a shrug. “I’m kind of getting bored watching them.”

“Me too,” she said, putting her phone away.

“You son of a bitch! That was my food processor!” they heard Jason yell from somewhere in the store.

The little old woman seeking revenge paused and with her eyes narrowed, shifted direction and heading for the home appliance section.

“Do you think that they have any more of those Lindt chocolate Santas?” Zoe asked around a yawn as they waited for the old woman to shuffle back past them.

“I think I saw a display of them over there,” she pointed towards the toy section just as Trevor ran past them. Well, more like flew past them as Jason tackled him before he could drop the food processor in Zoe’s carriage.

Zoe nodded, ignoring her husband’s pleas for help. “We should get some for the kids.”

“And some chocolate cherries for Grandma,” Haley said, pushing her carriage in that direction only to pause long enough for the little old woman to shuffle past them once again.

“And some truffles,” Zoe said, kicking a discarded package of toilet paper out of the little old woman’s path.

“Thank you, dear,” the little old woman said, giving Zoe a warm smile as she reached for the bat and headed towards where their husbands were now wrestling on the floor by the teapot display.

“You’re welcome,” Zoe said as they headed towards the chocolate display. She really hoped they still had some of those chocolate Santas. They would be the perfect stocking stuffers for the kids.

 

© Rerum Industries, Inc. 2014. All Rights Reserved. 

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24 Responses to “Black Friday…..A Neighbor from Hell Experience”

  1. Nickole Arango says:

    This book sounds as interesting as the rest can’t wait to read it and sad to see it end. Thanks for all the great reads.

  2. jamie says:

    Totally hysterical. I can’t wait for the next few books.

    I totally wish their was a section for readers to post their own fan fiction to. I been inspired to write a lunch heist featuring Trevor and Zoe’s kids then another of Reese and Darren (the cops) competing in a “Donut Eating Challenge” at a police benefit.The character s created are just too fun not to want to create more stories for them.

  3. Susanne says:

    Okay, seriously have never gone to “Black Friday”, but I would totally go to see that happening!! OMG Funny!!!

  4. kristi malloy says:

    Love your Bradford seies books. They are so funny. I read them over and over again. I look forward to the next one.

  5. nancy says:

    I can’t find the honeymoon from hell books through amazon? How do I get these stories!! I absolutely love your neighbor from hell series, I order them the very second I know ones been published!!!

    • R.L. Mathewson says:

      Nancy, they’re at iBooks and Smashwords.com. There’s an announcement on this site about it. I decided to release early to iBooks to thank them for everything. The format that you need should be at smashwords.com

      I hope this helps 🙂

      R.L.

  6. Ruth says:

    I stumbled across this series by accident but then could not put them down. I just love all the Bradfords and these books make me laugh out loud as I read them.

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